Dear Miss Jared inspired me to rant even MORE about this Married by America fiasco (thank you, J), so blame her if you're sick of hearing it from me :)

And you know, it's not even that I *want* to get married. The dreams I had about marriage as a girl have shifted as I've grown. Somehow, along the way, the vision of myself in a fancy dress fell along the wayside. I decided I'd rather put a down payment on the house. I marveled at the amount of patriarchal bullshit still exists in the ceremony itself (wearing a veil? i don't think so. being given away by my father? oh, please.) There's not even time to go into how much of the ceremony REEKS of a slave trade.

And yes, there are ways to make your own celebration in your own way. And yes, I support freedom of choice and wouldn't tell anyone how they should frame their relationship. But I've seen so very, very few weddings that manage to escape the confines of the tradition itself, that manage to be creative about it, where I can clearly see that the betrothed actually put some thought into the thing.

And now, I've been asked to possibly officiate at a wedding. Add that and the fact that I'm a dyke combined with the reality show marriage explosion and The Institution is on the brain. I must confess that one of the perks in my mind about being queer is being forced to create our own traditions simply by being forced out of the ones embraced by the dominant culture. We may not be good enough for the good old legal union, but then, maybe it's not good enough for us. That said, however, I do believe that people should have the CHOICE to marry if they choose and that gay, lesbian, straight or otherwise, you should be entitled to the same rights under the law. Doesn't anyone remember when black people and white people couldn't legally marry? Would anyone tolerate this in 2003? Ok, that one clan member in the back of the room doesn't count.

I believe in the power of love, to be sure. And I even crave a long term partnership, something I have to carve out of my own wood, shape with my own words, forge my way through without a map. Every once in a while, a couple announces their imminent marriage and I feel hopeful about the whole thing.

So, keep your Vegas wedding chapels and your tax breaks to yourself, you great United States, but please don't insult me by parading a bunch of people on stage to flaunt their privelege to marry without any respect for the moment at all.

March 6, 2003