I'm calmer today. Tuesday, I could barely hold it together, but today, I'm calmer. I haven't opened the news or listened in on world happenings and in three days my girl will be home from Puerto Vallarta and for those first few moments that she's home at least, all will be right in the world.

There's so much I haven't written. As seems to be the rule lately, the want is there and the motivation is not. I've contemplated starting a whole new site, since this one really started out being about KC and my life is so different now, but I'm attached to honeydipping, so I'm staying put. For the moment, here's some stuff that's on my brain, until I have the energy for more.

I'm in love. Crazy, huh? I know that those of you who are my friends or who have been reading my site for a long time realize what this means, as I never imagined being over KC, let alone finding someone who opens me again.

And she does. I'm completely stunned. And I can't even really compare her to Kelly...they're totally different people, different relationships and thank goodness for that. Except this one is here and it's real and it's intense. It's communicating and laughing and whispers and sex and time with friends and family. And to both of our surprize, we're here all these laters and it just fits. We fit. I don't feel as insane with her as I felt with KC that completely out in the stratosphere high feelings, but I feel safe and accepted and passionate and stable and excited. It hasn't been easy all the time, but it's been right from the beginning...so there's that. I'm sure it comes as no big shock, since I *have* been posting my little love letters here from time to time.

Other than that, there's nothing really new in my life, except this reality that's new in all our lives that our world is in chaos. I alternate between feelings of sickness and hopelessness and sometimes, in between, I believe there are alternatives and that there *is* a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm trying to take deep breaths and keeping a peaceful light on in my heart.

October 11, 2001