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There's this insane interaction going on over at Craigslist the last couple of days about what I would call "street harassment" and what some men (apparently) would call normal ways of approaching strangers on the street. Street harassment is a subject that I've thought about a lot over the last several years since we talk about it in the self-defense class I teach, but also something that has affected me personally in varying degrees and for different reasons for most of my post-adolescent life. I always believed that there was much more to it than a man trying to get a woman to talk to him on the street (to what? date? fuck? fall in love?), but was surprised nonetheless to see how sexist, elitist, racist, etc. these men were in their whining and complaining that "San Francisco women are the bitchiest women in the world." Not only did men reduce women over and over again to their genetalia, referring to them as "pussy" or claiming that they "import their pussy" from other cities since San Francisco is overflowing with rude women who don't respond to their overtures. They even sited "statistics." For example, apparently "in Los Angeles, 1/10 women might respond in a rude manner to a friendly comment," whereas in San Francisco, "a man is lucky if 1/10 women respond in a friendly manner to a friendly comment." Oh, and lest that not impress upon you his vast knowledge of women all over the world, he asserts that "a majority of women under the age of fifty (in SF) have humungous chips on their shoulders." Remember, these men (for the most part) aren't talking about meeting women in clubs or bars or any other social setting. These are women on the street who are being "bitchy," "rude," "too good," by not responding to cat-calls and other sorts of comments from men. They asserted everything from "black women are more likely to be friendly and respond" to "most of the women in San Francisco are lesbians." They had no problem saying they would *not* approach a woman who was not traditionally attractive or that women's fears about violence against women by men are unfounded and indeed (it seems to some of the men) laughable. It's always seemed to me that men believe the street belongs to them. That a woman's place is still in the home and when women go out into the street/workplace/etc., men are ENTITLED not only to comment on their tits, their ass, their legs, but to tell them to "Smile," to ask for their number to make disgusting noises as women walk by. Women who don't respond to this kind of behavior are uptight, rude bitches whose purpose in life is to tease men or angry dykes who hate them. As a woman, I cannot conceive of asking a stranger to "smile" when I passed her on the street, as if her sole purpose for existing was to decorate my scenery. But I think the main point here is how connected this behavior is to sexism and to other types of oppression. Men cannot understand what it's like to live in a world where women are raped every three seconds, cannot understand how it feels for a stranger to comment on our body parts, cannot understand what it's like for women, who so often are blamed for bringing attacks on themselves when they are victimized. Just as I cannot understand or profess to tell a woman of color what it's like to live in a white dominated society that treats them as second class citizens, men cannot pretend to know what's going on for the woman who does not respond to their, "Hey baby," or "Nice rack." But there are good guys out there. There are. Guys who cross the street when approaching a woman from behind at night, knowing she might be startled. Men who wouldn't dream of telling a woman to smile unless he was taking her picture. Men who want their daughters to learn to fight back. Men who are invested in being part of the solution. 'Cause let's face it folks, if men want to live in a world where women can respond without hesitation when they say, "Hello," on the street, they need to be commited to ending violence against women. They need to make the connection between that comment and rape, between women's desire to live free, whole lives and women wanting to walk down the street without being leered at by men, most of whom are not dangerous, but some of whom are. Now, I also want to poke a little hole in the idea that only men of color or working class men are the problem, because I know that perception is out there. These men who were sniveling and whining and carrying on on Craigslist, for the most part identified themselves as young, white men all of whom have internet access and the luxury to sit around a gripe about it on Craigslist all day. There is so much to say and I'm tiring of the subject, so I'll leave you with a poem I think says it best. It's intense. It's raw. It's ugly and frightening, but let's face it, the level of violence women face every single day is not so pretty either. I think, too, of the Ani Difranco line: "And don't you think it's sad that we can't even say hello, 'cause you're a man and I'm a woman and the sun is getting low." With No Immediate Cause by: Ntozake Shange every 3 minutes a woman is beaten "there is some concern I spit up I vomit I am screaming every three minutes October 10, 2002 |
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