It's interesting. This dating stuff.

Not that I'm marathon dating or anything. There's just the one girl and the prospect of she or I dating other people. It's so different than what has tended to happen for me in the past...throwing myself head first into something and coming up for air months later. This feels better, but there's also a place in me that, out of some reflex, feels like maybe the fact that I'm being smart and taking things more slowly means it's not right. The part of me that feels like I should feel completely intoxicated and insane and out of control if the person I'm with is the right person for me. Except that's not the kind of relationship I want. I want depth and passion, for sure, but I also need consistency. The relationships I've had where the highs were really high also had the lowest lows.

I'm searching for the middle ground. I'm searching for one girl to love. But not just any girl. The good news is that my desire to settle down will never allow me to settle. I know she\'s out there. I know I'm worthy.

Will this one be the one I buy a house with and have my babies with? I don't know. I honestly can't say and in some ways, that feels really good. Does she have the potential? Yes. Have I envisioned the whole life with her? A little. Do I see it happening? Not necessarily. But that doesn't mean I won't down the line. I love the time I share with her. Either she'll feel like home to me or not. Whichever way it happens, this here and this now are good. I'm where I want to be.

I'll tell you what's around the corner when I get there.

2001-08-10