Due to tragic circumstances in the life of one of my ladyfriend's friends, we've been given gold member passes for the Gay and Lesbian Film Festival here. No lines. Free tickets. Gold passes to the opening night GAY-la. I'm sure there are a couple of free T-shirts in it somewhere. Wow.

Ironic thing is, G doesn't really like movies and I really don't like crowds. I don't know whether to thank my lucky stars or feel incredibly guilty that someone more interested in celebrating Pride didn't land them.

Most gay movies I've seen are pretty scary. It annoys me how no one seems capable of writing a decent screenplay that has gay characters that isn't all about being gay.

It's pride month this month and you know, I just can't get all worked up about it. It's not that I'm not proud to be a dyke. I am. It's not that I don't think there are a million things to celebrate about being queer. There are. It's not that I'm not grateful for the men and women who fought for our civil rights and enabled us to live the relatively free life we live now. I am.

But for me it's not a flag I wave or a necklace I wear or something I tattoo into my skin. It's life. My relationship isn't really that different than other relationships. If anything, I think it's so much easier not to struggle against all the gender differences that come into play between men and women. Now, I'm not saying there aren't things that we queer folk struggle with. We're not legally protected from discrimination. We're often equated with incest and addiction. We sure as hell haven't gotten to a good place when it comes to respecting bi and transgendered folks in the community. And sometimes it's downright scary and dangerous just to walk around being oneself if you're in a same sex couple. We all know that people are beaten and sometimes killed for being queer. But that also holds true if you're a woman or a person of color. One oppression isn't more important to me than others, simply because it affects me directly. I am equally concerned about racism, classism, imperialism and so on. I don't believe we can only be invested in changing the systems of domination that directly affect us and think that we're going to get anywhere.

As much as I relish the thought of spending a Saturday afternoon in Dolores Park when it's literally COVERED in dykes of all shapes and sizes, as much as I cherish my relationship, as much as it excites me still when I see another dyke walking down the street or driving in her car or grocery shopping, well, I dunno. Maybe I'm taking for granted how easy it is to be gay in San Francisco. How freely I can live my life. Being queer has cost me things in my life like relationships with family members, including my father, who wouldn't accept me for who I am, certain tax breaks, the ability to raise a child without a plethora of legal and social woes and so on. But it's part of who I am. So I guess I'm full of shit. I'm proud to be gay. I just can't imagine a separate month attending event after event at which I will declare my gayness and commiserate with other gays about how hard it is. I'm lucky. It's not hard for me at all. It's WONDERFUL. Delicious. Fantastic.

Having a sexy girlfriend, who I'm crazy about doesn't hurt either, I suppose.

So, I'll be checking out some movies, yes. But that'll be me, in the back row, reaching for the popcorn at the same time just to touch her hand.

June 10, 2003